The holiday season often brings a unique blend of joy, anticipation, and stress. For many, Thanksgiving and the weeks leading into the New Year are filled with connection, tradition, and celebration. Yet, for others, this time of year may heighten feelings of pressure, loneliness, or conflict. If you’ve ever caught yourself grinning through clenched teeth at a family dinner, you are not alone. Learning effective ways of coping through the holidays can make the difference between feeling overwhelmed and experiencing the season with balance, mindfulness, and even joy.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers powerful tools for navigating the challenges of holiday gatherings, obligations, and emotional triggers. By planning, using mindfulness techniques, and leaning on DBT skills, you can create a holiday experience that honors your needs while staying connected to others.

Why the Holidays Can Be So Stressful

Holidays carry emotional weight. They are tied to expectations about family, food, finances, and traditions. Some years may feel lighthearted and filled with gratitude, while others may be overshadowed by loss, change, or personal struggles. Social obligations and family dynamics often resurface, reminding us of past conflicts or complex relationships.

Realizing that these feelings are valid is the first step. Stress does not mean failure—it signals that your body and mind are responding to the complexity of the season. By approaching the holidays with awareness and intention, you can reduce emotional reactivity and cultivate resilience.

Coping Ahead: Planning for Holiday Stress

One of the most useful DBT strategies for this season is coping ahead planning. When you anticipate challenges before they happen, you give yourself the chance to prepare mentally, emotionally, and practically.

How to Put Cope Ahead into Practice

• Make a list of priorities: Decide what truly matters to you this season. Do you want to spend time with a particular person? Do you want to simplify gift-giving? Defining priorities helps reduce last-minute stress.
• Choose what to let go: Do you really need to clean the guest room deep, or could you close the door? Do you need to cook an elaborate dish for every dietary need, or can you ask others to contribute? Small shifts in perspective can prevent unnecessary pressure.
• Schedule wisely: Instead of saying yes to every event, consider balance. A relaxed morning may allow you to show up fully for an afternoon gathering.

Cope-ahead planning is not about rigid control; it’s about setting yourself up for success with flexibility and foresight.

Managing Family Dynamics and Emotional Triggers

One of the most challenging parts of the holidays is spending time with people who may trigger painful emotions. Old conflicts, critical comments, or feelings of obligation can quickly drain emotional energy.

Preparing Yourself Before Interactions

• Lower vulnerability factors: Get enough sleep, eat balanced meals, and exercise regularly to reduce your risk of illness. When your body is well cared for, your emotions are easier to manage.
• Check the facts: Ask yourself, “Does the intensity of my emotion fit the facts of this situation?” Often, old memories magnify present interactions.
• Clarify boundaries: Think ahead about what conversations or behaviors you’re not willing to engage in, and prepare gentle but firm ways to communicate those boundaries.

Remember, you may not be able to change how others behave, but you can influence your own response. Developing this balance between acceptance and change lies at the heart of DBT, and exploring what dialectics means in DBT can deepen your understanding of how to hold both truths.

Using DBT Skills for Holiday Coping

The holiday season delivers a perfect opportunity to put DBT skills into practice. Below are several evidence-based techniques that can help you feel grounded and supported.

Self-Soothing with the Five Senses

When emotions run high, use self-soothing strategies to bring yourself back to calm:

• Sight: Look at holiday lights, photos, or something beautiful in nature.
• Sound: Listen to music that uplifts or calms you.
• Smell: Pause and enjoy seasonal scents like cinnamon, pine, or rosemary.
• Taste: Savor one mindful bite of your favorite dish.
• Touch: Wrap yourself in a soft blanket or hold a warm cup of tea.

ACCEPTS Skills for Distracting and Reframing

The DBT acronym ACCEPTS offers tools to distract from overwhelming emotions:

• Activities: Go for a walk, play a game, or volunteer.
• Contributing: Serve meals at a shelter or help a friend.
• Comparisons: Reflect on times you’ve successfully managed stress before.
• Emotions: Watch a funny film or listen to uplifting music.
• Pushing away: Take a short break from stressful situations.
• Thoughts: Count backward from 100 or recite a poem.
• Sensations: Splash your face with cold water to reset your system.

Opposite Action for Shifting Mood

When sadness, anger, or avoidance feels overwhelming, opposite action can help:

• Sadness: Engage with loved ones instead of withdrawing.
• Anger: Practice kindness or gratitude in small gestures.
• Avoidance: Join in group activities, even briefly, to stay connected.

These skills allow you to honor your feelings while also giving yourself choices about how to respond.

Mindful Eating During Holiday Meals

Food often takes center stage during the holidays, and with it comes a mix of enjoyment and stress. Mindful eating is a DBT-informed practice that helps you stay connected to your long-term goals while savoring the present moment.

Tips for Mindful Eating

• Set an intention: Decide how you want to feel after the meal.
• Eat with awareness: Notice colors, textures, and flavors of each bite.
• Pause midway: Check in with your hunger and fullness cues.
• Practice gratitude: Reflect on the effort that goes into preparing the meal, from start to finish.

This practice helps you fully enjoy your meal without slipping into guilt or overindulgence.

Creating Gratitude and Practicing Radical Acceptance

At its heart, Thanksgiving and many holiday traditions are about gratitude. Reflecting on what you have—whether relationships, opportunities, or even the ability to breathe and read this page—creates space for positive emotions.

When life doesn’t match your expectations, radical acceptance becomes essential. It doesn’t mean approving of painful events; it means accepting facts so you can focus on what is within your control. If you’d like to explore more about the therapeutic value of this skill, our DBT skills classes can help you practice acceptance alongside other tools for emotional regulation.

Moving Beyond Survival Toward Meaningful Holidays

The holidays don’t have to be something you “get through.” With mindful preparation, DBT skills, and compassionate self-care, they can become opportunities for connection, growth, and meaning.

Ask yourself:

• What matters most to me this season?
• Which DBT skill can support me when stress rises?
• How can I balance caring for myself with showing up for others?

When you frame the holidays not as tests of endurance but as chances to practice resilience, you give yourself the freedom to experience joy even in imperfect circumstances.

Final Thoughts

Coping through the holidays is about more than surviving the stress—it’s about creating space for calm, presence, and authentic connection. By planning, managing emotional triggers, using DBT skills, and practicing gratitude, you can navigate this season with greater ease.

If you’re looking for deeper support in applying these tools, the Oakland DBT Center offers resources, classes, and programs to help you strengthen your skills year-round.

This holiday season, please permit yourself to let go of perfection, embrace the moment, and discover peace where you least expect it.

FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

Why do the holidays feel more stressful than other times of the year?

Holidays combine high expectations, family dynamics, financial pressure, and social obligations, which can trigger stress. Many people also revisit old memories, both joyful and painful, during this season. Recognizing these factors helps normalize your feelings and reduce self-judgment.

How can DBT skills help me cope during holiday gatherings?

DBT skills provide practical tools for managing emotions, setting boundaries, and staying mindful in challenging moments. Techniques like self-soothing, opposite action, and coping ahead planning reduce overwhelm. By practicing these, you gain more control over your responses and overall experience.

What does “cope ahead” mean, and how do I use it during the holidays?

Coping ahead means anticipating stressful situations and preparing strategies before they happen. This could include making a to-do list, planning conversations, or scheduling downtime. By preparing, you lower the risk of being caught off guard and can handle challenges more calmly.

How can mindfulness improve my holiday experience?

Mindfulness helps you stay present and fully immerse in each moment, whether eating a meal, talking with family, or enjoying traditions. It reduces reactivity by shifting focus from stress to awareness. Practicing mindful breathing or mindful eating can make the holidays more meaningful and enjoyable.

What if I have to spend time with people who trigger negative emotions?

First, lower vulnerability by resting well, eating balanced meals, and grounding yourself before interactions. Set clear boundaries and practice checking the facts when emotions rise. Using DBT skills allows you to stay centered while still participating in essential gatherings.