When people first join a DBT therapy program or attend a skills class, one of the things they often notice is how openly our therapists talk about using DBT skills in their own daily lives. This sometimes surprises new clients. “If you, as therapists, still need to practice these skills,” they ask, “how can I trust that they’ll actually work for me?

It’s a fair and essential question. The truth is that DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) isn’t a magic wand that erases challenges, frustrations, or painful experiences. It won’t make your boss kinder, your partner more attentive, or traffic on the Bay Bridge suddenly disappear. What it does offer is a structured, evidence-based approach to meeting life’s challenges with resilience, mindfulness, and practical tools. That’s why our therapists use DBT themselves—not because their lives are free from stress, but because they’re human too. And in practicing what we teach, we can guide clients from a place of authenticity and lived experience.

Why Therapists Practice DBT Skills Themselves

DBT is rooted in the balance between acceptance and change, offering tools to navigate real-world stressors more skillfully. Just as our clients do, our therapists face relationship struggles, unexpected challenges, and moments of self-doubt. Rather than ignoring these experiences, DBT offers a framework for responding in healthier, more compassionate ways.

For example, distress tolerance skills help us sit with discomfort when situations can’t be changed. At the same time, mindfulness grounds us in the present rather than spiraling into worries about the past or future. These same skills are taught in our DBT skills classes, where clients learn strategies for managing emotions, improving communication, and fostering stability.

Would you rather learn tools from someone who only knows them in theory, or from someone who uses them in daily life—through the same stressors, deadlines, and challenges that you do? Our commitment to using DBT ourselves is part of what makes the work real and relatable.

Personal Journeys Into DBT

Every therapist at the Oakland DBT and Mindfulness Center brings a unique story of how they came to this work. For some, it was witnessing the effectiveness of DBT in clinical settings early in their careers. For others, it was a personal connection to mindfulness, meditation, or the transformative power of dialectical thinking.

Heather Macbeth, MFT, first encountered DBT while working with at-risk youth. She recalls being inspired by how these young people not only learned the skills but were actively practicing them: “In groups, kids were talking about DEAR MAN and Wise Mind, and they were applying the tools to real challenges. That’s when I knew I wanted to become a DBT therapist.”

Christine Benvenuto, MFT, was drawn to the way DBT integrates mindfulness and compassion into a structured, evidence-based framework. Having practiced Buddhist meditation since her early 20s, she found DBT’s emphasis on radical acceptance and present-moment awareness deeply resonant. “The model empowers clients by teaching them tools they can use immediately and over time,” she explains.

This alignment of evidence-based structure with human-centered compassion is one reason DBT remains so powerful. To learn more about the philosophy behind this approach, visit our guide, “What is DBT?”

The Role of Dialectics in Daily Life

At the heart of DBT lies dialectical thinking—the ability to hold two seemingly contradictory truths simultaneously. For many of our therapists, this way of thinking became a turning point in their perspective on both therapy and life.

Lauren Gonzalez, MFT, explains that dialectics helped her find a middle path between skepticism and belief: “I’m not a quick joiner when it comes to ideas, but DBT invited me to test its tools for myself. I discovered that accepting two truths at once—like being okay with who you are and wanting to grow—was both freeing and practical.”

Dialectics reduce black-and-white thinking, making space for nuance, compassion, and growth. This principle doesn’t just help clients—it allows therapists to navigate their own lives with balance. For a deeper dive into this concept, see our resource on what dialectic means in DBT.

How Therapists Integrate DBT Skills Every Day

It may be surprising, but our therapists apply DBT skills in many of the same ways clients do. Here are some examples:

• Mindfulness in the Moment – Pausing during a difficult conversation, at the DMV, or even in traffic to ground and center.
• Emotion Regulation – Using skills like “Ride the Wave” to sit with emotions rather than reacting impulsively.
• Distress Tolerance – Practicing a half-smile or willing hands during stressful moments, even multiple times a day.
• Interpersonal Effectiveness – Applying DEAR MAN to Set Boundaries or Navigate Challenging Conversations.
• Building Resilience – Using ABC skills (Accumulate positives, Build mastery, Cope ahead) to create long-term emotional stability.

As Joe Lawwill, MFT, puts it: “I can’t remember a recent life event where DBT skills didn’t apply in some way. Having a toolkit ready means that even when life gets chaotic, I know I can respond with more balance.”

This practical, skills-based approach is part of our broader services at Oakland DBT and Mindfulness Center, which include individual therapy, couples and family support, and group programs.

Why It Matters for Clients

Hearing that therapists actively use DBT skills often reassures clients. It shows that the therapy is not just theory—it’s a lived practice. It also normalizes the reality that life continues to present challenges, no matter who you are. The difference lies in how you respond.

As Laurie Pantell, MFT, shares: “When I’m emotionally triggered, it can take me a while to return to baseline. DBT self-soothing skills help me recover more quickly and approach situations with greater clarity and confidence. These same tools are what I teach my clients.”

By seeing their therapists as both guides and fellow practitioners, clients often feel more connected, validated, and motivated. DBT isn’t about perfection—it’s about building resilience and learning to walk a middle path in the face of difficulty.

Evidence-Based and Human

One of the strengths of DBT is its dual nature: it’s backed by decades of clinical research, and it integrates human values like compassion, mindfulness, and meaning.

Heather Macbeth reflects: “I’ve seen lives improve through DBT countless times, but I’m also grateful that the research supports what we see in practice. Knowing it’s evidence-based gives both therapists and clients added confidence in the process.”

This combination of science and humanity is why DBT continues to resonate with both therapists and clients. It is not a one-size-fits-all approach—it’s flexible, adaptable, and deeply personal.

Conclusion 

So, why do our therapists use DBT in their own lives? Because it works. Not by erasing life’s challenges, but by providing a roadmap for meeting them with skill, compassion, and balance.

At Oakland DBT and Mindfulness Center, we are proud to model the very practices we teach. Just as you’ll learn to apply DBT skills in your relationships, work, and daily stressors, we use them in ours. That authenticity builds trust and ensures that what we offer is not only effective but intensely lived.

If you’re curious about how DBT can support your own journey, we invite you to reach out and explore the possibilities. Healing begins with one step—and we’ll walk with you every step of the way.

FAQs  (Frequently Asked Questions)

1. Why do DBT therapists use the skills themselves?

DBT therapists use the same skills they teach because life brings challenges for everyone, including clinicians. By practicing DBT daily, therapists model authenticity and resilience for clients. This lived experience builds trust and makes therapy more practical and relatable.

Does DBT work if my problems are outside my control?

Yes, DBT is designed for situations you can’t directly change. While it won’t fix external circumstances, it equips you with strategies to manage emotions, reduce suffering, and respond effectively. This allows you to move forward with clarity even when life feels unpredictable.

How is DBT different from other types of therapy?

Unlike traditional talk therapy, DBT combines evidence-based structure with mindfulness and acceptance practices. It teaches practical skills for emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and relationships. The unique blend of acceptance and change makes DBT especially effective for lasting growth.

Can DBT skills help with everyday stress, not just big problems?

Absolutely. DBT is flexible and designed to work in daily life, from managing stress related to traffic to navigating workplace or family conflicts. Many clients find the skills most powerful when applied consistently to small, everyday challenges.

Is it normal to feel skeptical about DBT at first?

Yes, many people start DBT unsure whether it will work for them. A healthy level of skepticism can actually help, as DBT encourages testing and applying skills in real-life situations. Over time, most clients see the benefits through their own experiences.