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Nurturing self as a caretaker

Nurturing self as a caretaker

Taking care of others, whether you are a mother (especially of young children), or a caretaker to someone who is sick, or elderly can be demanding emotionally and physically. Nobody likes being stressed, but mothers, in particular, can have a hard time doing anything about it. They can feel overwhelmed, but think that their needs “should” come after whomever they are taking care of. Taking care of a young child, or children, is so primal that mothers forget to pay attention to their own needs, or many women learn when they are raised that they should put others needs before them.

But, we all know when we really think about it, that if we don’t take care of ourselves then the stress impacts all those around us. Don’t we? In DBT we talk a lot about the impact of stress on emotions, here are some ways to help regulate.

Even in the midst of a chaotic day when it may feel as if there is not way to get some relief, there is always something that can be done to lower stress levels, even for a moment.

Here are some ideas:

Repeating your favorite mantra, story or prayer
Drinking a large glass of water
Paying attention to breath, even if just for a moment
Stretch, doing a yoga pose
Sipping hot tea
Splashing cold water on the face
Taking 3-6, or more long breaths, concentrating on making the exhalation a bit longer than the inhalation
If possible, going for walk
Putting on soothing music
Asking for help when possible and taking breaks
Being sure to eat something substantial and nutritious

And, most importantly, remembering that caring after your stress level will be the best caretaking you can offer both to yourself and others!

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Heather is a co-founder of the Oakland DBT and Mindfulness Center where she works with individuals, families, co-facilitates DBT Skills classes and participates in the weekly DBT consultation team. Heather completed the Advanced DBT Intensive offered by Dr. Marsha Linehan and Dr. Sayrs in 2014 and the DBT Intensive offered through Behavior Tech in 2012. She is a licensed MFT and obtained her Master’s degree at California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS) in San Francisco. She obtained her BA in Psychology from University of Colorado in Boulder. Her professional training in DBT started when working at a child and family services center contracted by San Mateo County and when introduced to the DBT model soon realized the effectiveness of it. Besides private practice Heather has also worked in non-profit mental health settings, hospitals, for the Department of Health and Education for the State of Hawaii, public and charter schools in Oakland and the Native American Health Organization in East Oakland. In addition to DBT, Heather has been trained in Gestalt, Family Systems, and Psychodynamic therapies. She is also a graduate of Piedmont Yoga Studio’s Teachers Training program. She is particularly drawn to the DBT model because of her own mindfulness and yoga practice and the positive effects this has had on her own life, and in those she works with. She lives in Oakland with her husband and twin daughters.

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