It’s easy to think of our bodies as our enemies when we are dealing with intense emotions. After all, it’s sometimes our bodies that tell us first that something is off. Maybe we feel tightness in our chests, or our skin blushes or tingles indicating that an important signal has been sent to our brains. It could be that our knees go weak, or our hearts begin to palpitate. Sweaty hands, an inability to focus, clenched teeth, tight jaw…sound familiar?
Ironically, the DBT distress tolerance skills teach us to use our senses—our bodies—to help us through the crises, at least in the short term. The distress tolerance skills won’t magically take our problems away, but they will help us survive a moment, at which point we can then begin to think more clearly about problem-solving skills.
Here’s an exercise. Think of the five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch, and add movement to your list. Think about which of these you are drawn to naturally. Perhaps you like essence oils and scented candles, or fuzzy pillows and running your hands through sand. Or, maybe you find nature photos or your favorite music a go-to when emotions get heightened. Perhaps you like to dance, or do yoga. Notice what you’re drawn to, and think of the situations in your life when and where you are most likely to be emotionally triggered. Which of these resources do you have at your fingertips? Do you work with someone who upsets you, and makes you feel as if you can’t do anything right? It’s not going to be possible in most work environments to dance through the workplace, or to hug a fuzzy pillow. But you might be able to smell a soothing lavender-scented essence oil, or run your fingers along the edges of a favorite rock or shell from one of your hikes.
If your home is your challenging emotional environment, maybe you can retreat to your room, where a bevy of satisfying textures await you, as well as your favorite music standing by on your headphones.
Knowing what works where and when is a key to the distress tolerance skills. And the distress tolerance skills are a key to getting a hold of our emotions, especially in crisis. When we’re lost in our thoughts and emotions, turning our attention to our bodies—the senses—can help us get grounded so as to connect with the present moment (which is where and only where our bodies exist).
Do a little coping ahead right now, and think of the situations in which you are triggered, and what you might use or do to manage the stress. Make a list of these sensory resources, and keep it with you in a bag, backpack, or near your bed or desk.
This may seem overly simplistic, but when you are riding the emotional rollercoaster, having a list of your favored distress tolerance skills nearby can be a game changer.
